WARNING: This article contains information about trauma and can trigger those sensitive to acts of a violent nature, especially terrorism. If you feel uncomfortable or are especially sensitive to these topics, please do not read ahead.
  
Originally, when I told Aeirmid that i was going to write an article about living with PTSD, i was only going to give a typical overview with textbook facts that you have probably heard again and again and I thought, that wouldn't be fair to you. So, i decided to go more outside of my comfort zone In the hopes that it will help others come to terms with their own trauma and perhaps shine some much needed light in a dark place.

My story of survival started back in 2001. I had just begun my freshman year at The Pratt Institute in Brooklyn NY. It was a typical day like any other, a very pleasant morning actually. The sun was shining and New York was bustling with activity. I was young, carefree and optimistic as I exited the subway and walked down 34th street to my new place of internship. It truly felt like the first day of the rest of my life, as the cliche goes. 

Just as I was walking, my attention was diverted by a loud humming sound overhead...a plane engine. I looked up and took note that the plane was indeed flying awfully low, but at first I thought it was just a routine landing at the airport, so i kept walking. Moments later i heard a loud explosion, the power of which knocked me off my feet. I looked up to to see the sky enveloped in fire like a scene out of a hollywood movie. The air was thick with rust colored smoke making it difficult to see and breathe. The screams from the street were deafening like a soundtrack to your worst nightmare. I felt a hand touch my shoulder and a gravelly voice hissed in my ear: "You smell that honey? That is the smell of death." Of course, because what is a terrorist attack on New York City without the token crazy homeless guy telling everyone that the world was ending...as if we needed to be told.

I still don't know what was more frightening...knowing that I almost died, or not being able to tell my family that I was alive. I don't want to go into too much more detail as I have seen things no human being should ever have to see...things that will live and breed inside my head until the end of my days. If I said this experience didn't change me, I would be lying. If I said I completely overcame my fears and put my past behind me and went on to live a normal life, I would be lying too. The truth is, people suffering from severe trauma never truly heal because sadly, our brains do not have a delete button. What I hope to accomplish through this article is to give you the tools you need to cope and shed some light on a subject most people have little understanding of...and for most, little compassion as well. 

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is a psychiatric disorder that can occur following the experience or witnessing of life-threatening events such as military combat, natural disasters, terrorist incidents, serious accidents, or violent personal assaults like rape. People who suffer from PTSD often relive the experience through nightmares and flashbacks, have difficulty sleeping, and feel detached or estranged from their own lives. These symptoms can be severe enough to significantly impair the person's daily life. PTSD, according to the Mayo Clinic, is said to cause biological changes in the brain of the victim and is characterized by various psychological symptoms. PTSD is made even more difficult by the fact that it usually co-exists with disorders such as depression, substance abuse, cognative impairment, and other physical and mental side effects. The disorder is also associated with impairment of the person's ability to function in social or family life, including occupational instability, marital problems and divorces, family discord, and difficulties in parenting. 

One of the most common symptoms of PTSD is experiencing flashbacks, or reliving the event over and over in your head. Reliving these moments of trauma can cause uncomfortable physical ailments such as sweating, nausea, severe anxiety and heart palpitations. Another common problem is experiencing reoccurring nightmares and frightening thoughts which are present not only at night but during waking hours as well. Re-experiencing symptoms may cause disruptions in a person’s everyday routine and they can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event are called triggers.

We have all heard the word "trigger" thrown around a lot, but what is a trigger really? The medical definition of a trigger is anything that brings about a symptom of PTSD. For example, I can't watch the news for fear of hearing about a terrorist attack, nor can I watch any movies, specials or video footage pertaining to the subject of 9/11. Triggers may include people, places, sounds, words, names and smells and can vary greatly from person to person. Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience within reason can help reduce the chance of being set off. Other avoidance symptoms you will experience include feeling emotionally numb, feeling guilty, depression, excessive worry and losing interest in activities that were enjoyable before you experienced the trauma. Sometimes, a trauma survivor will try to block out the memories of the event and will appear to not have recollection that anything happened to them...a form of denial. Experiencing avoidance symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine as well. For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car.

PTSD patients are usually very tense and on edge, and have a tendency to be easily startled because they are waiting for something bad to happen even though there is no clear and present danger. They may have difficulty sleeping, and be prone to having angry outbursts. Hyperarousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic event. They can make the person feel stressed and angry. These symptoms may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating at work. 

It’s natural to have some of these reoccurring symptoms after a traumatic event. Sometimes people have very serious symptoms that go away after a few weeks. This is called acute stress disorder, or ASD. When the symptoms last more than a few weeks and become an ongoing problem, they might be PTSD. Some people with PTSD don’t show any symptoms for weeks or months after the trauma. If you think you may be experiencing symptoms of PTSD, please consult a doctor.

I was speaking with a fellow deviant yesterday who said the following:

Believe me, I have had many instances where I shared these sentiments...we all do to an extent. The key to surviving and moving forward is to be honest with yourself, and that means not creating unrealistic expectations for yourself and the world. When you really stop and think about it, you can only have so much control over what triggers you. You may have more control over it in your own home, but unless you resign yourself to living the life of a recluse, then you need to learn to coexist with the world as best you can. 

Let's face facts, you can't sue a perfume company because they sell a cologne that reminds you of your attacker. You can't make the city close a road just because you don't want to drive past an old house where you were abused. You can't have a news station shut down because they show footage of war and violence around the world. The world will not stop for you...and you shouldn't stop for the world. The trauma that changed your life took a piece of you away, this is true, but it didn't take everything. At some point you need to make the decision to let that piece go and keep the rest for yourself. Humans are more resilient than they give themselves credit for and you need to take those negative feelings of hurt and channel them into other avenues where they will be used for good. For example, I took my pain, anger and frustration and used that energy to write an article so others may benefit from my experience. 

Create art. Write prose. Council others. Keep living. Everyone's experience is different, but there is one thing that all of you reading this article have in common...